Kelly Rutherford's custody battle with her ex-husband is so hateful ... they're now under a court order to speak politely to each other, and get this -- in certain situations they're legally required to follow a SCRIPT!The custody orders -- obtained by TMZ -- spell out precisely what Rutherford and her ex, Daniel Giersch, can and can't say ... and how to behave around their 2 young children.The docs order them to "exchange polite and friendly greetings." And Giersch, who's German, has to speak in English whenever they meet for the hand off. -- so he can't trash her in a foreign language without her knowledge.If a kid doesn't want to leave one parent ... there's a drill for that, too ... the adults must follow a script that's actually included in the court order: "Have a great time with [other parent]. I'll talk to you tomorrow," and will say to the other parent, "[Name], please come and help me."The script thing may sound crazy, but hey, Kelly IS an actress.

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